yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
