i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
