im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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