I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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