I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
