Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
