My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
that is very illegal...i love you.
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