This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
