What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
