what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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