I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
