I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
