Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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