HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
