You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
