hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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