I think I won the penis lottery.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Green mimosas i think yes
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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