he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
