Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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