I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
