New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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