mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
this beer tastes like vomit already
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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