the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
