Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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