trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
