I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
