I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
