im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
