i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
