I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
