Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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