Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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