evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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