I am puke
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
