meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
