Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
At least make sure they are 18
Why
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
