just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
