This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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