Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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