just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it glows. i had to have it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
