You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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