she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
