I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can text with my tongue
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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