You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
