legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
