Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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