My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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