I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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