i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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