Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
