he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
love makes seman taste better
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
