I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
third nipple confirmed
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
