I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
