i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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