Well douche your snatch and let's go!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
