The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There's always time for handjobs
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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