Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
