You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
