mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
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