I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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