it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
