Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I stole a fireplace last night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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