Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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