You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
