U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
