Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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