3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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