It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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