The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
