Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
