My sheets look like a crime scene.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
