Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
