Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
