If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
