he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
