Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have aggressive nipples.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
