Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
