I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm having to shit out rocks
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