She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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