Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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