You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
