I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize