I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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