just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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