We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
there is glitter all over my balls
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