So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
