went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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