oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
