If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
