the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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