oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
