My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
