Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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