Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize