Dual....:-)
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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