Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
