I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
