when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
