Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
