you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
