sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
