Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
