I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
