The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize