i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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