perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
