This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
